Thursday, April 21, 2011
The Eurotrash lifestyle generally revolves around attending all night raves. Unfortunately, house music and designer drugs do not a man make. Eurotrash have never heard of whiskey and as such cannot be considered men. These man-children are pampered throughout their lives - by their mothers, with whom they live well into their 30’s, their governments, and their eventual spouses (ersatz mothers) - and as such never mature to anything above the reasoning capacity of an adolescent. This soft living has ensured that no Eurotrash can put up drywall, change a tire, throw a punch, or drink anything stronger than a mojito. It's been said they can become quite proficient at a sport involving juggling a ball with one's feet and falling down in theatrical spasms at, and even be inspired to violence because of it. If so, this may be the key to unlocking the suppressed brutality of the European genome, which has gone dormant in recent generations to the point that Eurotrash often capitulate their cities to tourists under the mistaken impression of a foreign invasion. One tourist in France on his honeymoon, Michael Long of Alabany, NY, was able to establish a fiefdom in Marseilles from 1998-2001 before local authorities realized their error. The situation has become so dire that the Moors are engaged in reconquering Europe, one dirty kebab stand at a time. This may, ultimately, be unnecessary, as Eurotrash countries all experience negative population growth due to generations of European men losing their potency from lack of bourbon, fist-fights, and legal handguns. Like adolescents everywhere, Eurotrash are willing to expound on any subject no matter how ludicrously uninformed on it they may be, and hold all manner of idealistic notions supported by the propaganda of their left-wing, socialist governments. Like all groups of people whose moniker contain the suffix "trash", Eurotrash equate consumption with class. As a result, at any given moment Eurotrash have more than $2000 of clothes, jewelry, sunglasses, and accessories on them, more money than they have spent on health-care and public transportation over the course of their lives. Eurotrash governments support this addiction by giving a monthly stipend of E2000 to Eurotrash in order to keep them from going on strike. Fortunately, if current demographic trends continue, the Eurotrash will go extinct in favor of peoples better prepared to handle life outside the womb. Within two generations, the whole of Europe will be blacker than South Chicago, and for the first time in European history the people who live there will be able to enjoy Bob Marley with some shred of legitimacy. If there is one good thing about Eurotrash, it’s that they wouldn’t lift a finger to save a drowning gypsy, that particular oppressed ethnic group being a little too close to home for them to pretend to care about.